Love heals all wounds

Last week Hailey, my 4 year old, fell while riding her scooter around the driveway. The fall resulted in a large round scrape on her knee. She cried and cried. Not even mommy's hugs while cleaning out the grit that got trapped in the fresh wound could make the pain go away. Upon reflection, I realized Hailey's scrape was similar to the pain my heart had been feeling. When I first was told of Hayden's condition, my mind went in to "fix it" mode, just as it had when Hailey fell on the driveway. It was only days later as the reality set in that I couldn't put a band-aide on Hayden and make her better did I really feel the wound. It was a raw, burning pain that would not go away. I could not eat or sleep without feeling its presence. The more I dug in to clean out my heart's wound, the more it burned. I tried reading about other people's experiences with their Angel's, learning how they lived and coped. What I began to see were people who have given up their lives for the condition. It sounded like a horrible fate, esp. for a family as active and full of life as we have always been. Dreams we had for our girls had been shattered in an instant after hearing the results found in one drop of blood.

I struggled with why God would create such a condition and make little, innocent children suffer for it. If He had something He wanted Dave and me to learn, I wish He would have made us hurt in order to grow, not our child. I kept thinking of how He let His only Son suffer so much for all His other children so that one day we could be reunited. It must have been the most raw, burning pain to see your own child beaten and crucified in such an inhumane way. Yet, He let it happen to bring us all closer to Him. What, then, was His purpose in creating Hayden this way with an inability to speak or even walk one day without losing balance? Why did He create such a condition where children can't even get reprive in sleep and then allow them to have seizures which are hard to control even with medication as they get older?

The week following her diagnosis, I turned away, not only from God, but also from Hayden. When I interacted with Hayden or tried to practice her physical therapy, I would break down in tears. I could not separate the condition from this precious little baby, my child. Thank God for my amazing husband who took over. He cared for Hayden, prayed for her and for me as I struggled to come accept our future as a family.

A dear friend of mine told me 3 wise thoughts. First: unsubscribe to the blogs and chat rooms of others with this condition. The families who are truly living with Angel's are not sitting on their computers wallowing in sorrows all day long. Second: we have been so fortunate to discover Hayden's condition this early on. Most children do not get diagnosed until years later. Knowing is half the battle. Now we can thoroughly focus on all forms of early intervention. There is no telling her true potential since we can begin therapies so early on. Third: acknowledge the condition, but focus on the possibilities - what she can bring to our family and the hope for a cure. It isn't merely a dream. It will be a reality.

Hailey and I went to visit my sister for the weekend so Hailey could play with her cousin, Amber, and I could come to terms with the thoughts flying through my head. Dave brought Hayden down for the day that Sunday. As he arrived Hailey raced to the car, jumped in, gave Hayden a huge hug and kiss and said "I love you Hayden Grace!" Hayden lit up when she saw her sister and heard her excited voice. It was at that moment I saw God's love through my children's eyes. The sun began to shine brighter than it had all week and I felt a peace I had been missing.

God didn't put a band-aide on my pain and make it all better, but He did give me a kiss and hug and let me know that in time, my wound will heal. My girls don't feel this pain in their innocent, young lives. They only feel sweet, pure love. How much I have to learn from them.